I swear I have some sort of body dismorphia, but one where I don’t always see the double chins and the rolls of fat, even though they are there. I feel them when I try and fit into certain clothes, I see them on photos, and it’s really starting to upset me. Plus, my physio told me I was fat. Just came right out and said it. Which is awesome to hear from a stranger.
I’ve not been skinny skinny for a long time, and I’ll be honest, it didn’t work that well for me, I have big boobs, skinny skinny just looks silly on me. But I don’t want to be fat anymore either. So this is me coming out and saying that I have to do something about the weight. Something to change the way I feel about myself. Because a couple of years ago we started a crazy ass diet – we cut out carbs, caffeine, most dairy, sugar and alcohol. It was hard but it worked. I did it for 5 months. I lost quite a lot of weight. It wasn’t fun but it was worth it. I felt great. And confident.
I promise this wont turn into a diet blog. I’m not going to start telling you how much I lost every week (because it might be nothing and that would be super embarrassing) and I promise you I wont start raving about crossfit and running (my knees couldn’t handle it – which sounds like a poor excuse but I can send you the scans if you don’t believe me 😉 ) but writing this down means that it’s out there. It’s here in this space, and maybe there are people who will hold me accountable to this. It also means that if you know me in real life you’ll not get annoyed when I don’t come out drinking for a while (I can have no booze and still have fun with you, you know), or have a slice of cake or biscuit when I see you. Hopefully we can just go on as normal and we’ll not need to make a big thing about the fact I am making healthier choices.
I’m not setting myself unrealistic goals and saying I want to lose 4 stone in a month because I know how hard this is going to be, but I’d like to be a regular size 12 again and sustain it – that’s the size that looks best on my frame. I have some events (hen-do’s, weddings, festivals – that sort of stuff) in the summer I’d like to be smaller for.
My main obstacle will be the fact that Jim loves to cook and his cooking is not often that healthy, so unless by some crazy chance I can get him on board it’s going to mean separate meals and it’s going to require some serious willpower to not eat his food. And I need to stop buying snacks. And I need to stop thinking ‘just this one treat won’t hurt’. Oh, and I need to start exercising. Not more. I just need to start doing it regularly.
But if you have any suggestions of healthy choices I can make (note. when you’re creating me an eating/exercising plan, I don’t like nuts, coriander, steak or chilli/hot things. And I don’t really have any cartilage in my knees any more. Thanks) And if you can advise me on how I can still get a cheese fix and not be fat, I’m open to suggestions.