Living with regret (or not as the case may be)

I’m not normally one for falling apart in public so I apologise for this post, but it’s been eating away at me and at some point if you don’t let things out I’m sure I might implode!

One of the things I have learnt this year is that I don’t deal with regret that well. Not the sort of regret that comes from not buying those boots you just HAD to have and realising they are sold out, or the regret you feel what you realise you drank far too much last night and did something stupid, but the sort or regret that completely envelopes your life and makes it hard to think straight. The sort I am trying to move past at the moment. 

My word for 2014 was MOVE. And whilst I’ve embodied the word in a physically ‘we’ve moved house’ and a ‘I’m walking further to and from work’ kind of way, mentally my frame of mind hasn’t moved past things that have happened.

For 6 months now I’ve been struggling to deal with this regret and feeling of loss and it’s starting to eat into my day to day life. I feel like it’s consuming me and I can’t find a way to win. I knew Jim being in India would be tough as there would be a lot more nights alone in the house, but I don’t think I had quite prepared myself for what that would do to my brain. I’ll be washing up and thoughts that I just can’t shake will hit me and then it ends up with Flash looking at me like a crazy woman as I’m crying washing glasses and spoons (when it’s just me there’s always an abundance of glasses and spoons to wash!)

So far my saving graces have been keeping busy as much as I can – filling every spare minute with something and when I don’t have the time filled I’ve been going swimming. The gym down the road is open until 10 so when the regret starts to build and I catch it in time, I’ve popped down for a swim. My brain still works in the same way but I am too focused on breathing and the pain in my knees to give them too much time – the plus side is no-one can see the tears if you’re in the pool.

But I can’t carry on this way. I hate the way I feel and need to figure out how to get back to the old me. I need to move past the heartbreak and I need to get on with my life and it can’t be a life that includes these episodes, but I can’t quite figure out how to do it right now. Does any one have any tips for getting past the thoughts that just won’t go away? (And yes I have been to the Drs but they aren’t very helpful!)


  1. Such a horrible, horrible way to be feeling. A couple of things that I've found helpful when I am struggling are to set myself routines – e.g. forcing myself to go to the gym on Mondays, Wednesdays and Saturdays, and planning my dinners so that I know I've got something healthy and easy in the fridge when I get home. Little things, but I do find that feeling healthier bodywise helps my head. The other thing to be honest is counselling. I would encourage anyone who is having a tough time to find a counsellor you trust. It can be expensive if you go privately but it's quicker than the NHS, and it's important to find the right one (ask for an introduction session to get a feel for them). But I've found that it has helped me break cycles of stress and anxiety and help me develop ways of getting my head around things much better than any medication has.

  2. Sorry to hear you're not feeling too good. I've been feeling the exact same way for about 6 months so know how tough it can be.
    Have you tried doing mindfulness meditations? I was really sceptical at first and it took a lot of practice but after doing it every day for a few weeks I now really love it. There's a book called Mindfulness by Mark Williams and Danny Penman which is great and has a CD with it to do. Even if you didn't fancy doing the meditations the book is worth a read. It's about learning to let go of the past (there's nothing you can do about it as it's already happened) not thinking about the future (it's not happened yet) and just focusing on the now.
    I've also recently started having accupuncture at the Wellforce clinic. It really helps to relax you so may be worth a try.
    Exercise is great too so glad to hear that's already helping you.
    Hope you're feeling better soon. Xxx

  3. Sorry you're feeling this way. I have to agree with the previous comments. Counselling was something I never thought I'd advocate, but I have to say that it helps. My counsellor also advised meditation or yoga. I didn't try them but they obviously work for many. I know that many people use crafting for this purpose and assume that you are still crafting?!
    It's hard to become resigned to something that can't be changed; letting go needs a lot of time and support. Talking about feelings is one of the best ways to let them go, or writing it all down in a journal and being completely honest, which is often difficult to do in conversation. Remember that there are people around who care. x

  4. I have been struggling this year too. Sleep and routine as Gwen says are really important but the main thing that changed stuff for me was counselling. It really, really helped. That and giving it time. Lot of time. I think we can be so impatient with ourselves while we are waiting to feel better but sometimes it takes time. Treat yourself as you would a friend. You are great and counselling and medication made me get a lot better, that and exercising and actually allowing myself some down time and NOT filling every moment. It turns out I needed to stop running. I hope you find what works for you. x

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