How not to be a festival cliché

Being as its festival season and I’ve just returned from Glasto, I felt like I ought to write a festival post.

I thought about writing one of those ‘must pack’ lists but quite frankly it’s just like packing to go camping but with more booze! So I thought I’d write an even more valuable post for any of you planning to festival this summer……what to leave at home – besides your dignity! 

This is useful information because there are people – bad, horrible, judgemental people out there in the fields, people like my friends and I, awarding each other points for the best festival cliché action. Please don’t give us ammo.

Here goes – a few tips to avoid being a festival cliché;
  • If it’s not raining or muddy, your hunters aren’t required, especially not with your shorts. Desert boots, trainers or you know, walking boots are a much better choice! And trust me when I say you REALLY don’t need to be wearing them at the services on the M5 (But if it is raining, legs dry faster than clothes – so shorts are best! Take notice all you maxi dresses in the mud people!)
  • Leave the flower headbands at home. Please. 
  • Same for the all-in-one lycra suit guys! We don’t need to see that much of you!
  • Just FYI – A see through mac really doesn’t cover any sins. Or hide the fact you and your mates are doing drugs beneath it………
  • I know Topshop might be full of it, but you dont have to make sure every outfit contains some fringing and crochet. Well. Not unless you’re seeing Bon Jovi and it’s a fringed leather jacket! 
  • Save your cash and put that belly dancer skirt back on the festival stall! Now. You’ll regret buying it before the weekend is even over. 
  • Don’t drink everything you have on the first day and be ‘that’ friend. Trust me. I’ve been that friend. It only results in a 9pm hangover you can’t shake and a ‘I know I went to see Frank Turner but I can’t remember’ story no-one cares about. Recent years have taught me a festival is an endurance event not a sprint to drunkenness.
  • Take off your wrist band when you get home. Everyone will know you’ve been to a festival because you won’t be able to help talking about it. This isn’t a bad thing it’s just a fact of life and will stop you looking a nob 5 months later. 

Just as a guide, if you wouldn’t wear it/do it at home, you probably shouldn’t in a field…….this is for your own good. Cameras still exist at festivals & you’ll only be horrified when you see the results on Facebook! Oh and yes, there are pictures of me wearing gold sequin leggings but I wore them to my local pub on New Year’s so I’m allowed!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

I accept the Privacy Policy