Friends. And cancer.
It’s a strange and sensitive subject.
Because over the last few years some of the most wonderful friendships have been formed or cemented. People have risen to help, pulling me out of dazes, force feeding me doughnuts and grilled cheese, taking me on days out, demanding I let them visit, treating me like normal but also understanding my limitations.
But other friends seem to have disappeared. Visits become few and far between. They don’t text or call so much any more. They ask too much and don’t understand I’m not able to do as much or visit them as much. Or at all. They see this as me giving up on our friendship.
And whilst, honestly, its a shit feeling, I feel like I need to put this out there.
I need to let you know that it’s ok if you need to take a step back from my life. Distance yourself from my world right now. I understand it. It’s not exactly an inspiring place at the mo is it. But please tell that is what you’re doing. Don’t just disappear. Because I’m still the same girl who over analyses everything. And I’m still going to be feeling hurt about it.
But to the friends who have stuck about, I also need you to know that right now, that as much as I love hearing about your day, getting your news, I’m just not sure I can be the one you complain to now. About your job. Or being busy. Or your kids. Or your being tired. Or how annoyed you are at things that are, let’s be honest, all of your own doing! Or the minutiae of life, because, quite frankly, it’s drives me mad to see you not recognising the beauty in it all.
Of course I’m not living every moment as if it’s a #blessing. I’ve still got to pick up my dogs poo and go to Tesco and do the washing, but I’m trying to find a way, most days, to be in some way grateful for being alive.
And you, complaining about feeling tired when I’m on a chemo week, and I’d only dream of feeling of just feeling tired, isn’t doing me any good. It’s not making me the Zen master I’d like to be! Not even after reiki!
So, let’s try and be more positive. Don’t just tell me how shit your current situation is or moan about the things you should be grateful for.
Tell me the beauty in the day.
Tell me your favourite thing you saw.
Or about the delicious thing you are.
Or the funny thing you overheard.
Tell me about your dreams, and your hopes, and what you did to make them come a little bit closer to coming true.